Its been 2 years...though seems like yesterday..
My mentor understands the depth of my life so much that he commemorated this day as WORLD IKEDA KAYO KAI day...when i will be celebrating with thousands of YWDs around the world towards a glorious future without having the time to feel bad about my personal loss....the entire day's activity, the joy...the prayer, the happiness lifted my life condition to such an extent that Loss is still there...but the pain is not.. :)in fact Sensei says-- "Death will come to each of us some day. We can die having fought hard for our beliefs and convictions, or we can die having failed to do so. Since the reality of death is the same in either case, isn't it far better that we set out on our journey toward the next existence in high spirits and with a bright smile on our faces-knowing that in everything we did, we did the very best we could, thrilling with the sense "That was truly an interesting life"?"
I miss you baba...big time..
But what has become a tradition that every 4th June ( when he set off for his magnificent journey of eternity)that i report my victory to my Mentor and to you,Father.
"dekho ami barchhi daddy" ( hey wait!! i have come back to my original waist size of 28!)
dekho ami e bochhor arektu boro holam! ebochhor arektu responsibility fulfill korlam. jano?!ami ekhon computer er catridge nije nije kinte jai.me being technologically challenged, it is a big deal... ;)
[onek kichhu baba ke likhte ichhe kore, kintu bhabi chhelemanushi hoye jabe. tar cheye borong "kaje" kore dekhai tate amaro onek beshi fulfilling lage! Next year ill report more and more victory. ]
Tumi nei. tomar ostitto shobshomoy ekta VACUUM er moton kaj kore thik -i...gola ta byatha ekhono kore..kintu e shob kichhur modhyeo jeta hoy anondo...that I HAVENT FAILED YOU AS YET...and i wont. rather every day i fight, i fight never to be defeated and to make you proud. Because i am YOUR daughter..i am My MUFASA's SIMBA! and i remember who 'I AM'...i am still a cub may be..but its only a matter of time, when your little cub will grow up to a majestic Lion!!! ( i dont use gender div here)
The path of Lion is lonely.A Lion walks it alone, because its independent and i have realised that all the more in last 2 months...
Some of my closest friends & relatives (blood relatives!) dont remember..some do..but forgot..some remembered but didnt know what to say...i understand...each of them..i dont expect anymore.Because i am YOUR daughter, i have seen your uncrushable stamina..your magnanimous heart and your monumental dignity and i aspire to have that..most importantly i have SENSEI..and trust me baba, he loves me just the way you did! :) or 'do'...
In this infinite eternal cycle of life and death, i salute you BABA...i just miss your physical presence, that;s it. you are omnipresent in my BEING.
Buddhism talks of Happiness in Life and Happiness in Death...i had seen both in you..
:)
I love you
Friday, June 4, 2010
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Parched Heart is soaked in the rain today...
"and i love her..." By Beatles in the Pan Pipe Collection once collected from a very special person.
read it somewhere in childhood that The Beatles are soul-music for Saggis..true indeed..it brings me out of blues many times..or drags me into it with the sweet nothing pain..
raining cats n dogs outside...that stormy rain where the droplets go haphazard like my thoughts.. under the influence of winds...those slanting drops...crashing down the roof...love to watch the white pearly drops gliding down the electric wire on the streets..
a day at home finally proved beneficial with this beautiful rain and enough rest on my eyes...can see a little bit better through the left eye now! gees! its really scary not-being-able-to-see...
hope the rain brings down my body temperature :)
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Complaining brings suffering.
Atleast amar life e to ami tai dekhi. lets take an instance. kolkatay ekhon je marattok gorom poreche sheta aro beshi oshojhho hoy jokhon "gorom gorom" kore amra lafai ! But i have a tried and tested method. if you can concentrate on mundane things around you and derive humour or romance out of it then your attention is shifted from the heat and sweat, rather given the power of your brain, you can actually 'enjoy' this sultry weather, all one needs is to look at the brighter side of the weather! aj jemon holo. i wanted to reach saltlake by 9 am so that finishing my work i can come back by 11. kintu jeta holo ghum theke ut te deri so finally when i reached it was 10. ferar shomoy jar bari gechhi she khub chintito je ami ei rode ki vabe firbo. so i showed her my FM headphone, by clumsy umbrella and my water bottle. now i carry the pink bottle of "Himalayan" mineral water...puchho kyu? kyuki-- that bottle has some amazing product description almost poetic in nature. khub goromer modhye oi lekha ta porle besh lage :)
anyway as i was waiting for Jadavpur-Newtown bus the sun was coming down on us with fully fury, but there was an amazing breeze which was fluttering the light green young leaves of neem, debdaru,eucalyptus and some more. but the best site is driving down bypass with green trees and fields right after chingrihata...and if you notice, the gulmohor ( ba amader priyo Krishnachura )trees are like red "bindis" on a tribal woman's forehead...the flowers are as if competing with the sun's fury...calling out to say " watch out SUN! the more fury you shower we will bloom with full glory" ! krishnachura ke shongo dite majhe modhyei holud holud radha churao dekha jay....kintu krishner moher kachhe radhao jemon porasto...krishnachurar "lalimay" radhachuraro kamon fike laglo...arek ta phool ache...beguni ronger...boro odvut lage...ar shona roder aloy jeno tader beguni rong ta thikre beroy...tobe krishnachurar lal jeno shotti-i akasher sathe abir khela! bogenbheliya-o chesta korche kintu amar mote dhare kachhe pouchhachhe na.
science city ta cross korei dan-hate ekta hotel pore. dekhlam, moha anonde ek mohish tar chhana ke niye shei hotel-er shaamne shajano gachhe khachhe...tai dekhe security guard ta lathi chhure marlo...ar mohish ta ki boka..doure palate gelo...or ja shing tate ekbar ghure dnarale oi chimre moto security guard ta ke pichhoner jhhil tay fele dite parto...bechara mohish. i dislike the road from ruby to gariahat as shops/malls have obstructed the once greener view. rajdangar kachhe ashle boro mon ta kharap hoy...oto shundor khelar math...shetao rokhha pelo na promoter der nojor theke :( ei bhabte bhabte ar "karthik calling karthik" shunte shunte reached gariahat.
and then travelled back through the road on which had been commuting since last 25 years....but still feel good..feels like home...:) paray dhukchi dekhi jor kodome cricket khela cholche. amar khub bhoy lage ei bujhhi ball eshe laglo...but i pretent not to be scared and put up a stern face..nijer chhotbelar katha mone pore jay. 7-8 e pori tokhon gariahat-er flat-e thaki, thik erom roddure bibhotso kheltam... tar obsohho ekta karon-o chhilo. sunday morning flat-er shob dadarao khelte namto and we used to play harder to impress "some" of them with our batting skills...ki shanghatik boka chhilam je bhabtam bhalo cricket khelte pari dekhle kono chhele impressed hobe!!! heheh! kono chhele impressed to hoyni,bt khela ta jane prane upobhog korechi..ekhono majhe modhyei bat niye mamar bari te neme pori, bhai ebong tar bondhuder shoto apotti shotteo! kintu frequency ta kome gechhe...but still hv that wish to play cricket on a green field...literally jumping around without caring to get hurt...just the way i used to be :)...anyway back from nostalgia...
khub mojar lage parar chhele gulor enthu dekhe, thik jeno oi krishnachurader moton shurjo ke challenge kore jibon theke moja lute nichhe..!
when i finally entered our room u wont believe it felt like AC, thanks to the 10 inch thick wall and 15 ft high ceiling of this 100+ year old house :)
a shower later, it feels heavenly to jump on the familiar bed with the familiar "pay-balish" and enjoy my favourite sunday afternoon siesta , just the way i am trying to enjoy SUMMER!
Atleast amar life e to ami tai dekhi. lets take an instance. kolkatay ekhon je marattok gorom poreche sheta aro beshi oshojhho hoy jokhon "gorom gorom" kore amra lafai ! But i have a tried and tested method. if you can concentrate on mundane things around you and derive humour or romance out of it then your attention is shifted from the heat and sweat, rather given the power of your brain, you can actually 'enjoy' this sultry weather, all one needs is to look at the brighter side of the weather! aj jemon holo. i wanted to reach saltlake by 9 am so that finishing my work i can come back by 11. kintu jeta holo ghum theke ut te deri so finally when i reached it was 10. ferar shomoy jar bari gechhi she khub chintito je ami ei rode ki vabe firbo. so i showed her my FM headphone, by clumsy umbrella and my water bottle. now i carry the pink bottle of "Himalayan" mineral water...puchho kyu? kyuki-- that bottle has some amazing product description almost poetic in nature. khub goromer modhye oi lekha ta porle besh lage :)
anyway as i was waiting for Jadavpur-Newtown bus the sun was coming down on us with fully fury, but there was an amazing breeze which was fluttering the light green young leaves of neem, debdaru,eucalyptus and some more. but the best site is driving down bypass with green trees and fields right after chingrihata...and if you notice, the gulmohor ( ba amader priyo Krishnachura )trees are like red "bindis" on a tribal woman's forehead...the flowers are as if competing with the sun's fury...calling out to say " watch out SUN! the more fury you shower we will bloom with full glory" ! krishnachura ke shongo dite majhe modhyei holud holud radha churao dekha jay....kintu krishner moher kachhe radhao jemon porasto...krishnachurar "lalimay" radhachuraro kamon fike laglo...arek ta phool ache...beguni ronger...boro odvut lage...ar shona roder aloy jeno tader beguni rong ta thikre beroy...tobe krishnachurar lal jeno shotti-i akasher sathe abir khela! bogenbheliya-o chesta korche kintu amar mote dhare kachhe pouchhachhe na.
science city ta cross korei dan-hate ekta hotel pore. dekhlam, moha anonde ek mohish tar chhana ke niye shei hotel-er shaamne shajano gachhe khachhe...tai dekhe security guard ta lathi chhure marlo...ar mohish ta ki boka..doure palate gelo...or ja shing tate ekbar ghure dnarale oi chimre moto security guard ta ke pichhoner jhhil tay fele dite parto...bechara mohish. i dislike the road from ruby to gariahat as shops/malls have obstructed the once greener view. rajdangar kachhe ashle boro mon ta kharap hoy...oto shundor khelar math...shetao rokhha pelo na promoter der nojor theke :( ei bhabte bhabte ar "karthik calling karthik" shunte shunte reached gariahat.
and then travelled back through the road on which had been commuting since last 25 years....but still feel good..feels like home...:) paray dhukchi dekhi jor kodome cricket khela cholche. amar khub bhoy lage ei bujhhi ball eshe laglo...but i pretent not to be scared and put up a stern face..nijer chhotbelar katha mone pore jay. 7-8 e pori tokhon gariahat-er flat-e thaki, thik erom roddure bibhotso kheltam... tar obsohho ekta karon-o chhilo. sunday morning flat-er shob dadarao khelte namto and we used to play harder to impress "some" of them with our batting skills...ki shanghatik boka chhilam je bhabtam bhalo cricket khelte pari dekhle kono chhele impressed hobe!!! heheh! kono chhele impressed to hoyni,bt khela ta jane prane upobhog korechi..ekhono majhe modhyei bat niye mamar bari te neme pori, bhai ebong tar bondhuder shoto apotti shotteo! kintu frequency ta kome gechhe...but still hv that wish to play cricket on a green field...literally jumping around without caring to get hurt...just the way i used to be :)...anyway back from nostalgia...
khub mojar lage parar chhele gulor enthu dekhe, thik jeno oi krishnachurader moton shurjo ke challenge kore jibon theke moja lute nichhe..!
when i finally entered our room u wont believe it felt like AC, thanks to the 10 inch thick wall and 15 ft high ceiling of this 100+ year old house :)
a shower later, it feels heavenly to jump on the familiar bed with the familiar "pay-balish" and enjoy my favourite sunday afternoon siesta , just the way i am trying to enjoy SUMMER!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Eta pore besh bhalo laglo tai ekhane tule dilam... :) enjoy!
Why do we shout in anger?
This one is a lovely mail and you should read it….. A good one too……..I am sure you will like it.
A saint asked his disciples, 'Why do we shout in anger? Why do people shout at each other when they are upset?'
Disciples thought for a while, one of them said, 'Because we lose our calm, we shout for that.'
'But, why to shout when the other person is just next to you?' asked the saint. 'Isn't it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice? Why do you shout at a person when you're angry?'
Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the saint.
Finally he explained, 'When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other through that great distance.'
Then the saint asked, 'What happens when two people fall in love? They don't shout at each other but talk softly, why? Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is very small...'
The saint continued, 'When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that's all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.'
When you argue do not let your hearts get distant, do not say words that distance each other more, else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return.
Why do we shout in anger?
This one is a lovely mail and you should read it….. A good one too……..I am sure you will like it.
A saint asked his disciples, 'Why do we shout in anger? Why do people shout at each other when they are upset?'
Disciples thought for a while, one of them said, 'Because we lose our calm, we shout for that.'
'But, why to shout when the other person is just next to you?' asked the saint. 'Isn't it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice? Why do you shout at a person when you're angry?'
Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the saint.
Finally he explained, 'When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other through that great distance.'
Then the saint asked, 'What happens when two people fall in love? They don't shout at each other but talk softly, why? Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is very small...'
The saint continued, 'When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that's all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.'
When you argue do not let your hearts get distant, do not say words that distance each other more, else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Why doesn't constant trampling defeat the dandelion? The key to its strength is its long and sturdy root, which extends deep into the earth. The same principle applies to people. The true victors in life are those who, enduring repeated challenges and setbacks, have sent the roots of their being to such a depth that nothing can shake them.--- Daisaku Ikeda
Contrary to many people's belief, this has not been a "bookish" example in my life. I draw inspiration from it, because i have "felt" it in my life in flesh and blood. and hope to continue doing so....its tough but not impossible.
talking abt this quote is not a coincidence, the precise problem i overcame last year around this time...has re-appeared again with full vigour...yes may be i am swayed for a moment but not uprooted :) AGAIN this difficulty has aroused and AGAIN i will Not be Defeated.
P.S-- the pic is not of a dandelion!
Saturday, April 3, 2010
katha hoyechhilo tobu katha holo na...aj shobai eshechhe shudhu tumi ele na..
boro bhalo lage, asha-r ei gaan ta, pujor shomoy shokale club-er pandal-e bajto...bhishon nostalgic lage :)ekhono jokhon baje chhotbelakar ek muto sriti hurmur kore eshe pore mathay...
kal onekdin por amar school-er bondhuder sathe adda holo..hotat plan hotat dekha..besh lage! i mean after a hard week feels great to meet childhood buddies..and the best part is you can be YOURSELF! no inhibitions, no pretence just you..the "you" from school you miss, the "you" who had to feign different faces in different situations as the "you" is a grown-up now! chhotobelay shuntam boro hobar onek chaap, ei chaap ta amar shobcheye bisri lage..je some times you cant just be yourself...and atleast it has happened to me, i always pay the price for being 'myself'..anyway bhaat bokchi! jaihok khub moja korlam, chandrabindoor gaan, sentu...smirnoff what else do you need.i know i know i musn't drink at all, i wont seriously it was after a long time met my yaars! khushi ke mare pi li ! ;) but yes i know i have to be strict with myself, for my own sake and i guess with time i will be able to resist this temptation.and am sure it will be a test of my control power..which i really have to develope now ! :P hhhehehe! , no no , no jokes, i seriously will.
returned home and had the kind of night i love most..conversation.
woke up with slight dizziness but work keeps me fit.worked returned home and went for some more activities. well my "well-wisher" insists that i should 'relax' so replied that i am really relaxed and happy when i have a active day...its so fulfilling , a day well-spent always gives me immense satisfaction.
day well-spent holeo mon ta khoch khoch korche..
ashole jokhon tumi jano keu koste achhe, kintu tomar hath pa bandha kichhui kore tumi take shanti dite parcho na..kamon ekta helpless lage..mone hoy tahole ar nijke "bondhu" boli kom mukhe..but i guess sometimes you have to let silence speak for itself and just HOPE that very soon you will again see the Sun of Smile ..
HOPE is indeed what i have right now.
boro bhalo lage, asha-r ei gaan ta, pujor shomoy shokale club-er pandal-e bajto...bhishon nostalgic lage :)ekhono jokhon baje chhotbelakar ek muto sriti hurmur kore eshe pore mathay...
kal onekdin por amar school-er bondhuder sathe adda holo..hotat plan hotat dekha..besh lage! i mean after a hard week feels great to meet childhood buddies..and the best part is you can be YOURSELF! no inhibitions, no pretence just you..the "you" from school you miss, the "you" who had to feign different faces in different situations as the "you" is a grown-up now! chhotobelay shuntam boro hobar onek chaap, ei chaap ta amar shobcheye bisri lage..je some times you cant just be yourself...and atleast it has happened to me, i always pay the price for being 'myself'..anyway bhaat bokchi! jaihok khub moja korlam, chandrabindoor gaan, sentu...smirnoff what else do you need.i know i know i musn't drink at all, i wont seriously it was after a long time met my yaars! khushi ke mare pi li ! ;) but yes i know i have to be strict with myself, for my own sake and i guess with time i will be able to resist this temptation.and am sure it will be a test of my control power..which i really have to develope now ! :P hhhehehe! , no no , no jokes, i seriously will.
returned home and had the kind of night i love most..conversation.
woke up with slight dizziness but work keeps me fit.worked returned home and went for some more activities. well my "well-wisher" insists that i should 'relax' so replied that i am really relaxed and happy when i have a active day...its so fulfilling , a day well-spent always gives me immense satisfaction.
day well-spent holeo mon ta khoch khoch korche..
ashole jokhon tumi jano keu koste achhe, kintu tomar hath pa bandha kichhui kore tumi take shanti dite parcho na..kamon ekta helpless lage..mone hoy tahole ar nijke "bondhu" boli kom mukhe..but i guess sometimes you have to let silence speak for itself and just HOPE that very soon you will again see the Sun of Smile ..
HOPE is indeed what i have right now.
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